18 April 2008

Hope



The semester is nearing an end and I am officially on freak out mode. I'm doing well in all of my classes except for German, it's always bloody German. Oh well, what can I do about it now? Nothing! I am a smart person, at least this is what I keep telling myself. I just need to study more. All I need now is a miracle-- Are you listening God?
I'm taking five classes this summer, FIVE! I think I've lost my mind... US Foreign Policy, Contemporary Political Though, Economics, The Jews in Poland, and Intro to Polish Language and Culture. In July it will all be worth it, a month in Poland, I can't wait! Plus the added bonus of weekend trips to the Ukraine, Polish Highlands, and Budapest. Yes, all of the hard work this summer will definately pay off. I will be an official senior in college Fall 2008.
Graduation will be a little delayed since I decided to double major instead of just minoring in German, but I get to spend the 2009-2010 schoolyear in Bavaria, so I'd say I can handle the trade off. And London is calling me next summer...
All of this complete and utter craziness, and I still have to figure out the whole grad school thing. Paris or Rome? I really want to do what God wants me to do, and doens't the Bible say that He will give us the desires of our heart? I think I'm leaning towards Paries. Can you say, The American School of International Diplomacy?
One final thought. I have been single for over six months now, and I think I am finally happy. It has taken me longer to get to this point than I would have hoped or liked, but here I am. I'm not looking at every guy I meet and thinking, "Hmmm, is he the one?" I like being single and being able to do what I want, whenever I want. I have no complaints. Well, maybe one...
I just wish Tori was going to stay here next year, but I know that she misses Kennesaw and Amanda. I just hate this feeling of losing my best friend. I've already done it once, and I'm really not looking foward to it again. Tori is my best friend, but I'm not hers, and that's the simple truth of it. No pity, no whining, just truth. I've accepted it. She has Amanda.
Then there's Leigh. She doesn't have time anymore. She's graduating from college, and she has new friends. We used to be like sisters, and now I don't know what we are. I guess since she's moved on I should too, but I can't. I don't want to accept the fact that I'm best friendless. I know everyone says that these things happen in college, but I thought maybe I'd be one of the select few that lucked out. Or not.
But, dwelling on all of this is not going to make life any better. I've got school, my parents building a new house, Europe, and Fletcher to focus on. God will bring me through, He always does. Even when I've been a complete idiot.
"Hope at the end of the day connects us all, no matter how different we are."
-Marketa Irglova

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1 Comments:

Blogger Tori Marie said...

PARIAH, this made me so sad. i had no idea you felt this way. yes amanda is my best friend but you are too. i guess i just never thought of it that way because it was always like you had leigh and i had shamanda. im so sorry. you arent best friendless, im here for you, always, through thick and thin, you know that.

lets make a promise to stay in touch, cause we have gotten so close this year and had so much fun, i would hate to see it end, we can message each other and call each other and visit each other. we can do it pariah.

i really wish you would have said something sooner.

i love you to death
we are friends forever.

tom and dougie forever right?

"we could be together, change the world forever"

haha. lizzie mcguire never liked the word best friend, remember that episode? you and amanda are like my gordo and miranda, except i dont wanna kiss either one ofyou haha. either way, i love you both, you both mean a lot to me.

WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.
but best friends is just a word
yeah i say it alot, but that doesnt mean you dont mean the world to me.

seriously pariah, LONDON 09, iTS ON!

May 5, 2008 at 11:52 PM  

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