Do you ever get into one of "those" moods? You know, the one where you sit around all day watching sappy movies about love and balling your eyes out at every sad moment. This is what I have been reduced to. Maybe it is simply from the fact that I have nothing better to do. Yes, I think that's it. It is not because I am a hopeless romantic who is ready to experience toe-curling, spine-tingling, mind-blowing love... Of course not.
I think when you are younger you believe that the first person you ever date is going to be the one you marry. That person who you allow yourself to so easily fall in love with is supposed to be "the one." So, what happens when they're not? I think I only though I knew what love was, not the love you feel for family and friends, but a true deep unending love. Now, looking back, I can see that I really didn't have a grasp on things. Maybe I did love him, but not in the way you should love someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think I loved him because I looked at him as someone I needed to save. Someone to protect from doing stupid things that kids our age do. Ridiculous, I know.
If you truly love someone it should be for who they are-- not for who you wish they were. So, I'm sorry. To him and myself.
Now I wait; I wait for that one love that will come and sweep me off my feet. When I say "wait" I don't mean in a put-my-life-on-hold, frantically, and hopelessly searching for this person... I mean waiting as in not settling; living my life and having my adventures... Waiting for that one unexpected moment when I realize that in giving up the search I have allowed myself to be found.
Labels: Miscellany
